


A New World

by thatbitch11



Series: This is Still America [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Eating Disorders, Kid Fic, Mental Health Issues, Other, Prequel, Punk England (Hetalia), Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatbitch11/pseuds/thatbitch11
Summary: Bored and frustrated with their lives on a Manchester housing estate, Arthur and Carmen move across an ocean at eighteen in hopes of something better.
Relationships: England/France (Hetalia), England/Spain (Hetalia)
Series: This is Still America [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1583278
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	1. To America and Beyond

**Author's Note:**

> A rewrite of the prequel to my other fic, This is Still America  
> Old prequel will be deleted soon :)

November 2000

Arthur drunknely laughed at his girlfriend as she slunk down against a grimy lamppost, joining her on the pavement. They stared out at the sun setting over the terraced homes of the Manchester housing estate, silent except for the flicking of his lighter as he lit a cigarette. 

“Have you ever thought about leaving?” She asked as she held her cigarette in her mouth for him to light, which he struggled to do in his inebriated state.

“Leaving? Like to Leeds?”

“No, like America.”

He dropped his lighter on the ground.

“America?”

She nodded, a sloppy smile crossing her face as she took a drag.

“Carmen, you’ve lost the fucking plot.” 

“Hear me out.” She laughed, leaning her head on Arthur’s shoulder.

“Remember that exchange program I did for a month in year 11?”

He nodded, running his fingers through her choppy blue hair.

“I wanna go back, come with?”

In his drunken state, he laughed loudly, thinking she was joking.

“I’m serious.”

“You want _me_ to move to America with you? Fuck off.”

Neither of them knew how, but by morning they ended up tangled in each other’s arms in her bed. Arthur woke first, and clamped his eyes shut at the sun shining in his eyes.

Carmen rolled over in her sleep, and he gave a half smile at how peaceful she looked.

The morning sun gave her tanned skin a radiant glow, the silver reflections of her facial piercings dancing across the faded wallpaper.

“Carmen.”

She stirred, opening her eyes after a few seconds.

“Yeah?” She asked through a yawn, laying her head on his bare chest.

“Were you serious about what you said? About moving?”

“I said that?”

He nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Fuck’s sake, I was planning on asking when I weren’t plastered.” She groaned, pulling the blanket over her head dramatically.

“Are you serious about leaving Rochdale?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

They both paused upon seeing a group of kids running across the roof of a terraced house across the street, and Carmen laughed to herself.

“ _That_ type of shit doesn’t happen there, trust me love.”

Arthur laughed too, watching as one of them nearly fell onto the pavement below.

“You got a passport?”

He nodded, chuckling to himself.

“My mum got all of us passports a couple years back because she thought we could go to Menorca.”

She laughed at this, pulling down the blanket a bit so she could see his face.

“Spain? You’re on benefits”

“I still don’t know what she was thinking.”

The two of them heard shouting from below, and Arthur opened the window.

“Oi! Get down here dickhead!”

The eighteen year old rolled his eyes, and gave his older brother the finger out the window.

“Mum wants you home, says it’s important.”

He turned to Carmen and sighed, before getting out of bed.

“I’ll ring you later.”

She gave a half wave goodbye, and tossed him his torn Misfits tee shirt that he was wearing the night prior.

He shivered in the morning fog, and crossed his arms when he saw Allistor leaning up against a lamppost, lit cigarette in hand.

“Did mum _actually_ want me home?”

Allistor snorted.

“God no, I need your skinny arse for something.”

“I’m not hopping another fence for you.”

“Fine, you’ll keep watch then.”

“I’m not-” Arthur started, but thought before continuing.

_Plane tickets are expensive, right?_

“-I guess I could hop a fence.”

His brother gave him a surprised look.

“Seriously? Run to the shop and nick some rizlas first.”

“That old Pakistani bloke there doesn’t trust me, you do it.”

Allistor smacked his lips, and threw his cigarette out into the road.

“Right then, at least stand outside the shop.”

“Fine.”

Arthur impatiently stood outside the corner shop as his brother got them drinks and rolling papers, thinking about how much money he would need to _potentially_ leave with Carmen. 

_Anything is better than here_ he thought bitterly, kicking a used needle with the toe of his sneakers. The foggy gray morning made the row of houses across the street into a haunting silhouette of the estate he knew so well.

_I have no future here_

This thought stuck in his subconscious for the rest of the day, especially as he helped his older brother rob his former dealer. 

“I’ll kill all you fucking Kirklands!” The man in his twenties yelled after them as they both jumped the backyard fence, tearing off into the soccer field behind the house. They ran until their lungs burned, finally stopping when the house was far in the distance. 

Both sat down in the wet grass, panting as they caught their breath.

Allistor high fived his brother before laying on his back.

“Our kid’s done well, yeah?”

Arthur breathlessly laughed, tossing the messenger bag full of money and stolen drugs into the air before catching it.

The brothers snuck back into their home, only to be met with their mum standing in the front room with her arms crossed.

“Why is Basch from down the way threatening our house?”

They both shrugged, and Arthur made his way upstairs with the bag in hand.

He counted out the wrinkled bills and pocketed most of it, knowing that Allistor had no idea how much was inside.

_£1500_

He craned his neck to watch the door, terrified that his brother would see him taking the lion’s share of the money.

Once he was sure everyone was out of the house, Arthur wrapped up the money as small as possible and shoved it in the waistband of his yellow plaid pants. He shakily lit a spliff as he walked over to her house, paranoid that Allistor would somehow find out what he had done.

“Carmen! Let me in!” He shouted as he knocked on the door, giving a look of disgust when her brother Antonio opened the door. 

He made a disgusted look right back, and slammed the door in his face.

“Carmen! Let me in!” He repeated louder below her window, and she opened it up with an unamused look on her face.

“Then come in you div, the door’s unlocked.” She shouted out, and Arthur dramatically gestured to the front door that Antonio had locked him out of.

He finished off the joint he was smoking as his girlfriend opened the door, and smiled widely upon seeing her.

“I’ve got a surprise.”

She cocked an eyebrow, and crossed her arms.

“Really?”

He nodded, and kissed her on the cheek as he walked into the house.

“Fuck off Arthur.” Antonio shouted from the kitchen as he made himself tea.

“Touche.” He shouted back, giving the finger in his direction.

Once in her room with the door closed, Arthur took the wad of cash from his waistband and threw it on the bed.

“Fifteen hundred quid if you’re serious about leaving Rochdale.”

Carmen’s eyes widened.

“Where the hell did you get this?”

“Doesn’t matter, I think we need to leave.”

She sat down on her bed, and stared at the cash in disbelief.

“You’re serious about leaving?”

He nodded,absentmindedly toying with the chains looped from the pockets of his trousers. 

“I’ve been dreaming of leaving for so long, you have no idea.”

* * *

March 2001

Arthur stood behind his girlfriend awkwardly as she greeted her former hosts at the airport, overwhelmed by the fact that he was _actually here_. 

The airport was sterile yet busy, and he kept his gaze down at his feet, focusing on the pattern of the tiles instead of the gravity of their situation. He was taken out of this trance by Carmen putting an arm around him, and he smiled awkwardly when he met the eyes of the couple in their late fifties.

“Yeah, my flight was fine for my first time.” 

She smiled, and reached up to kiss him on the cheek, making the couple smile.

“I’m guessing you guys wanna sleep after that?” The husband asked in a gentle tone, and both teens nodded. They grabbed their luggage, and tiredly followed their temporary hosts to their car, where Arthur looked around in awe.

“Welcome to our new home.” She whispered once they were in the backseat, squeezing his hand and looking out the window.

The pair of them lived with Carmen’s former hosts for almost two months, as they saved for the deposit on an apartment of their own. Despite the advice of literally everyone around them, they moved out way too early, settling in the cheapest possible one bedroom apartment they could find. Cleveland’s Kinsman neighborhood was one of the worst neighborhoods in the city, and no place to move to as a young couple.

Or as a human being, really.

Gunshots rang out at all hours of the day and night, as crackheads roamed the abandoned streets, under the hopeless gray sky.

Even with the crumbling walls and near constant noise from their neighbors, they were independent.

And that’s all that mattered to them in that moment. 

In that time, Arthur changed his last name from Kirkland to Jones, and never felt freer in his life.

It took only three months for everything to come crashing down though. Arthur watched as his worst nightmare came true, Carmen emerging from the bathroom one evening holding a pregnancy test- positive. There was only one solution. Arthur begged Carmen to consider it- to get an abortion, and wait until they were anywhere near financially stable enough to have a baby. Her response was the opposite of what Arthur had hoped to hear.

“We barely see each other anymore, Arthur. Maybe a baby could make our relationship stronger.”

“Make us stronger? Make us stronger? We’re living in a shithole, and can barely feed ourselves!” He screamed with tears in his eyes, standing in heavy silence as she stared blankly at him.

  
  


“I thought we moved for something better, Carmen.” He finally said in a near whisper, dropping his shoulders.

This made something in her snap, and she stood up angrily.

“This is fucking better! We’ll be on our feet in a few months, and give our baby the best life, yeah? Do you actually believe we’ll be stuck here?”

Arthur gave her a pleading look, and sat down defeatedly on the stained carpet.

“I left our shit estate, cuz I was stupid enough to think we could make a good life for ourselves.”

A siren blared in the distance as tears slid down his cheeks, only making him feel worse.

“You moved us right into hell love, and you’re bringing a child into it as well.”

The teen looked up at her, and with eyes aged beyond his years, sighed deeply.

“I want to go back home.”

  
  


In the end, Carmen refused to consider adoption or termination, only making their lives more difficult when she could no longer work.

So off he went, getting another job, and working himself up to a pack and a half of cigarettes a day.

The stress was killing him slowly.

Each day became more difficult to bear,while his girlfriend stayed at home, pregnant with a baby he didn’t want.

He wanted to run away, go back home and leave her chaos behind. 

At the same time though, he remembered growing up never having known his dad, and wanted something different for his unborn child, whether he wanted it or not.

So he stuck around.

  
  
  


Amelia Fiona Jones was born on July 4th, 2002.

A tanned, blue eyed baby, she felt like the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever seen, and he couldn’t put her down.

“She’s my baby too.” Carmen joked, and he reluctantly handed her over.

“She’s so pretty.”

The new mother nodded in agreement, smiling when Amelia yawned.

“I think we did pretty well,hm?” She cooed in the baby’s direction, running a finger over one of her chubby cheeks.

Arthur grinned as he watched over his daughter, beginning to involuntarily tear up as he looked at her with her small head pressed firmly in between Carmen’s breasts.

“Get the camera.” She mouthed as Amelia’s eyes closed, and he obliged, pulling out his digital camera to snap a picture. 

This precious bubble was burst when they returned to their one bedroom apartment with the baby in tow, and they realized what they’d left. 

Carmen almost immediately laid down on the couch, leaving Arthur to set up the bassinet and get Amelia settled in.

She refused to let go of him though, and he chuckled to himself before laying her down on the mattress next to him. 

_I’m responsible for this now._

He eventually fell asleep as well, waking up when she started screaming.

“What is it?” He mumbled, poking her cheek and yawning.

She screamed louder, and he grumbled before grabbing her off the bed.

“Let’s leave this to mummy, aye?” The teen said softly as he brought his baby up to his chest, making sure to secure his arm under her bottom as he was instructed at the hospital. 

“Carmen?” He shouted as he walked down the hallway, making a clicking noise with his tongue in an attempt to calm Amelia down. 

“Not right now.” She shouted back, making him curl up his lips in disgust.

“It’s your fucking baby.” He said angrily under his breath, making his way into the kitchen.

The baby cried louder, and Arthur rubbed her upper back as he went back over to where his girlfriend was watching tv nonchalantly.

“She needs fed, I can’t do that.”

“Oh piss off, will you? Just give it to me.”

The disgusted expression returned as he handed his daughter over.

Carmen pulled down the tank top she was wearing, and set Amelia flat on her belly.

Arthur sat down on the couch, and watched in awe as his newborn got comfortable, and eventually fell asleep on his girlfriend’s chest.

“She’s beautiful.” He whispered once the baby was asleep, making Carmen grin softly.

“Looks just like your mum.”

“She really does,aye?”

He ran a crooked finger along the edge of her small ear, smiling when she nuzzled her head further into Carmen’s breast.

“How do you like Meli for a nickname?” 

“Meli?”

She nodded, grazing a thumb lightly over the tip of Amelia’s nose.

“I think it’s cute.”

“Just like her, hm?” Carmen cooed, gently handing the baby over to Arthur.

He accepted, just staring at her as she slept.

Amelia’s tanned skin was reminiscent of her mother’s, chubby cheeks and small pouty lips making his heart melt.

_This is real._

  
  


Whether Arthur wanted to or not, he had to go back to work the next day, though his newborn daughter never strayed far from his mind.

_I wonder what kind of things she’ll like?_

He lifted another stack of boxes from the truck, loading them onto a dolly. 

_Will she be tall like her mum?_

He wiped the sweat from his forehead, stepping aside to retie his bandanna.

_Will she have to work this hard?_

His coworker tossed him a bottle of cold water, and he smiled tiredly at him before cracking it open.

_She’ll never have to work like this, even if it kills me._

  
  
  
  



	2. Apathy

The awe of having a baby seemed to wear off quick for Carmen though.

Arthur unlocked the door to the apartment, and was instantly hit with the strong scent of weed. 

“What the hell-“

He gave a look of disgust when he saw Carmen laid out on the couch with a joint in hand.

“There’s a fucking newborn right there.” He hissed, gesturing to the bedroom with an exaggerated motion of his arm.

“It’s fine, cuz it’s natural.” She said with a giggle, holding it out for him to take a hit from.

“Put that out.”

His girlfriend scoffed, and took a hit instead, kicking her feet up on the arm of the couch.

“Your mum smoked around you and you turned out fine.” 

“I don’t care.”

Arthur snatched it from her fingers, making her look up in red eyed anger.

“Our daughter is more important than you getting high.”

“It's been almost a year, baby, I need this.”

He gave a defeated look in the direction of the bedroom they shared with Amelia, and sighed.

“At least go outside the building.”

She didn’t have to be told twice, getting up and grabbing her purse and a pair of flip flops before slamming the apartment door behind her. 

The slamming of the door woke the baby though, making Arthur’s eye twitch when she started screaming. 

“Give me a second, will you?” He grumbled, running a hand down his face, and making his way toward the shared bedroom.

The two month old stopped crying once she saw him walk in the room, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Right, right, come here.” He cooed in a high pitched voice, picking her up out of the bassinet.

“Your mum’s being childish again Meli, I don’t know why.”

She yawned, and leaned her head into his chest.

“Yeah, I get it,I’m dead tired of her too.”

Arthur sat down carefully on the bed, and grabbed the rattle that was left sitting on the tv table they used as a nightstand.

“You want this?”

She stared up at the toy wide eyed as he shook it just out of reach, her bright blue eyes dwarfing the rest of her face.

“You’re too fucking cute, you know that?”

  
  


Carmen came back an hour later with a large bag of McDonald’s, even more intoxicated than when she left.

“How much was that?” Arthur whispered in a near hiss as he fed Amelia a bottle on the couch, earning him an eye roll.

“Is there any for me at least mate?”

She shrugged, and unwrapped a burger.

“You tell me, Mr. Mum.”

He glared up at his girlfriend.

“I didn’t even want a kid, why am I doing this _and_ working two jobs?”

Amelia finished the bottle, and he broke the intense look he was giving Carmen to burp her.

“This is fucked, and you know it.”

“Night night Arthur.” She said in a sing song voice, taking a bite of the burger and slamming the door of their bedroom loudly.

He turned to Amelia, and sighed as he wiped spit up from her chin.

“It’s us against the world, hm?”

She blinked at him, and he gave a frustrated half smile.

“Us against the world.”

_Us against the world_ was the mantra that kept Arthur semi sane as time went on, all while Carmen seemed to care less and less about her newborn. 

“Are you in bed again?” He called out after coming home from work a few weeks later, finding all the lights off and no sound besides their nearly broken ac unit.

“Yeah.” Was her dejected reply.

The teen clenched his jaw and went into the bedroom, finding his girlfriend laying lethargically in bed with the baby next to her.

“You alright?”

Carmen nodded, turning to face him.

“Just tired.”

“Tired of what? You’ve been like this for months now.”

She yawned, and ran a thin finger along Amelia’s cheek.

“This is just hard, yeah? It’s exhausting.”

“So is working two jobs, but you don’t see me doing this.”

Instead of humoring him with a response, she rolled back over and put the duvet over her face.

“You’re lucky I’m not a deadbeat.”

He slammed the door behind him, and ran a hand through his mohawk.

“How much longer can I do this?” Arthur mumbled to himself as he stepped out onto the balcony, lighting a cigarette. In the distance, he watched as the skyline came to life, interrupted by the sound of a gunshot across the street.

As if on cue, Amelia began screaming from inside the apartment, and he sighed deeply.

“Fuck this place.”

“Right though.”

Arthur dropped his cigarette on the concrete.

“What the hell?”

He looked around, convinced that he had finally lost his mind.

“Up here man.”

He went to the railing of the balcony and looked up, finding a man close to his age waving at him.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack, never do that again.”

The man leaned heavily on the balcony,and shrugged.

“I like yo accent.”

“And I like being able to smoke in peace.”

He laughed, and Arthur felt strangely calmed by it.

“You the one with the baby?”

He nodded, and gave a confused look as he leaned his back against the railing.

“Is it cute at least? It stay keeping me up at night.”

_Is it cute? The hell is he on about?_

“Can I get your name before you give me abuse about my baby?”

The man chuckled, and gave a hand motion as if to say ‘of course’.

“My name Javon, you from Australia?”

Arthur took a deep drag, knowing he needed it before responding to this.

“I’m Arthur, and I’m from _England_.”

Javon looked embarrassed in the dim outdoor lights, and scratched the back of his neck.

“My bad, I real life thought that’s where you was from.”

_God bless America._

  
  


Despite it all, Arthur began looking forward to talking to Javon on the balcony at night, whether he was smoking or not. 

The first time they actually met in the hallway of the building was a few months later, where they both seemed shocked by the other’s appearance.

Arthur, a punk with a tall red mohawk pushing a stroller; and Javon, an eccentrically dressed man with plucked eyebrows and a feminine way about him. 

“Is this Amelia?” He cooed as he squatted down to the level of the stroller, smiling widely and making her laugh. 

“She so cute, just like you honey.”

He was left flustered and trying to find the words as Javon walked away, his purse swaying with him. 

  
  


Javon was one of the few things Arthur had to look forward to, and he started trying to find time to spend with him when he wasn’t working or picking up Carmen’s slack with the baby.

  
  


“Are you leaving again?”

He nodded, and ran his gelled up fingers through his hair.

“Did you make Meli her bottle?”

The teen scoffed, and looked back at her via his reflection in the grimy mirror.

“You’re the one who’s home all bloody day, make it yourself.”

He left the apartment before she could protest, and went up the flight of stairs to Javon’s place.

  
  


“It’s just, too much, you know? I can’t take care of all three of us by myself.”

His neighbor’s roommate rolled a blunt and silently passed it to him, not exactly knowing what to say to that.

“You gonna be just fine baby, I can already tell you a good dad.” Javon reassured him from the kitchen, grabbing a container of leftover Chinese food out of the refrigerator and lighting his own blunt.

“You ever thought bout finding a babysitter or some shit? Like somebody that could help y’all for free when you can’t be there.”

Arthur took a hit off of it and leaned back into the couch, trying to think of any place where someone _would_ babysit for free in a place like this.

A couple blunts later, it came to him.

He stood up quickly, and nearly fell back onto the couch due to headrush, making the other two laugh loudly.

“R-right, there’s something in my flat that Carmen’s host family gave us.”

He went down the stairs fast enough that he nearly landed on his face, but made it back regardless, scaring Carmen.

“Have you gone mad?”

He shook his head, and reached for the cardboard box filled with paperwork on the top shelf of their closet.

“Remember that group your hosts told us to go to?”

She put Amelia down on the couch, and crossed her arms once she was beside him.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Finding us a babysitter.”

“Right, were you planning on smoking without me? Cos I need some too.”

He gave a disgusted look from where he was digging through the box, and smacked his lips.

“Am I not allowed to smoke with me mates when I work as much as I do? That’s what I thought.”

She mumbled something under her breath, and laid back down on the couch, setting the baby down on the floor.

“She should have been in bed long ago, you should know that by now.”

“Then you do it, Mr.Mum.” She said apathetically as she changed the tv channel, making him look up angrily.

  
  
  


Arthur smoothed down his hair outside a public library in the suburbs, and tried reassuring himself that this was for his own good. He made sure that Amelia was still asleep in her stroller, and went inside.

He hesitantly approached the librarian’s desk, and asked about where the group was meeting. She smiled at him and pointed to a closed room with tables set up, and people milling around.

“Hey! Welcome to the UK Expats of Cleveland, is this your first time here?”  
He nodded, and followed the man who met him at the door over to where name stickers were laid out next to a tray of muffins.

“Should I make one for my daughter as well?” Arthur asked quietly, making the person signing in next to him laugh.

During most of the two hour casual meeting, he sat in a corner with Amelia’s stroller, reasoning to himself that he needed to stick by her instead of interacting with the rest of the group. His worst nightmare came to life when she began crying, having woken up in an unfamiliar place.

“Sh, Meli, calm down lovey, will you?” He said quietly as he took her out and held her, his face burning red as the others in the room began to stare at him.

“Sorry.” He said with an awkward smile, standing up and hastily taking her outside.

Arthur bounced her up and down and said sweet nothings to her outside the library as she continued to cry, beginning to feel hopeless. He ducked to the side when he saw someone approaching, and was surprised to see them waving him inside.

“Arthur, right?”  
He nodded, bouncing Amelia some more.

“I’m Hugh Kelly, me and me wife Ann run the meetings.”

Arthur struggled to reach out to shake his hand.

“I’m sorry about her interrupting.” He said sheepishly, switching how his baby was positioned so he could look Hugh in the eyes.

“No problem at all boy, we’ve had kids.” Hugh laughed, and Arthur smiled at his thick Irish accent.

“Can I hold her?” He asked, smiling at the infant in a pair of overalls and a parka. The younger man gladly obliged, and looked on in worry when he put Amelia up on his shoulders.

“She’s well cute, how old is she?”

  
“Almost six months.” Arthur said proudly as Hugh made kissy noises at his daughter.

“Now, I was wondering if there was any type of babysitter or daycare service run by, well, other Brits? My girlfriend prefers it.”

While Carmen, in actuality, couldn’t care less, he figured he’d have a better chance with finding one if he mentioned her.

Hugh took Amelia down from his shoulders, and held her in his arms.

“I don’t know of anyone, but if you live close enough to us, me and me wife might be able to help out.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, and put the hood of the parka over the baby’s head.

“Ann loves kids, and all our grandkids live out of state. Have you got my number?”

“Yeah, where do you live? We live in Kinsman, it’s near downtow-”

The older man grimaced, and ran his thumb over Amelia’s chubby cheek.

“I know where Kinsman is, are you sure there isn’t a safer place for you lot to live?”

Arthur shrugged, and stuck his hands in the pockets of his spiked jacket.

“It’s what we can afford mate, I’m trying to move for her sake.”

“Right, stay safe out there boy. Make sure to ring me.”

Amelia started crying again, and was handed back to Arthur.

“Thanks for this, me or me girlfriend will call you.”

He put his baby back in the stroller, and smiled to himself as he walked to the bus stop.

_Maybe it isn’t so bad here after all._

  
  
  


A few weeks later, Carmen and Arthur sat awkwardly on the Kelly’s couch as tea was being made for them.

“This house is fucking huge.” She whispered, and he nodded in agreement, bouncing Amelia on his knee as they waited.

Ann came out with a plate of cookies and two mugs of tea, and gave them a kind smile before setting them down on the coffee table.

“Now, how often would you need us to babysit?”

Carmen crossed her arms and gave a side glance at her boyfriend, who sighed.

“We both work weird hours, but we’ll be able to pay you more once she goes back to work.”

Hugh silently joined his wife on the couch across from them.

“We’re both retired, so this won’t be a problem for us if we communicate our schedules right.”

Arthur nodded enthusiastically, and re-positioned the baby on his lap.

“That’s brilliant, thank you so much.”

* * *

Notes:  
  


The name of the group is made up lmao, there's nothing like that here

The quality of this is way better than the first time I wrote this, christ 


	3. Breaking point

Arthur tried his hardest to keep the baby on his lap quiet as the bus made another noisy stop, sighing defeatedly when she rejected the pacifier he offered, choosing to scream instead.

“Amelia, there’s other people here, be quiet.”

She babbled some nonsense in response to hearing his voice, making the older woman sitting across from in a McDonald’s uniform chuckle.

“How old she now? She getting real big since you started coming on this lil bus.”

He flushed red at the unwanted attention, and turned the baby more to face her.

“Almost a year now, I don’t know where the months went.”

She waved at the woman, making her smile widely.

“Seein her every day make me miss my grand babies.”

Arthur, still not used to this style of small talk that people here seemed to love, absently nodded.

Thankfully, his stop was next. 

The walk to the cul de sac the Kellys lived on was pleasant in the late June sunshine, accented by a light breeze that seemed to put Amelia to sleep as he rolled the secondhand stroller down the sidewalk.

Hugh was mowing the lawn when Arthur approached, and came out to the sidewalk to meet him.

“How’ve you been boy? Sorry about this, I’ve been the garden all morning”

He chuckled, and turned the stroller into their driveway.

“I’ve been fine, Meli’s been a handful though.”

Arthur happily accepted a glass of cola from Ann as he got Amelia settled in, giving her a sip from it as he got out her favorite toy.

“I’m going out for a fag, I’ll be right back.” He said as he got up from the floor, earning him an eye roll from Hugh.

He followed the teen outside, and closed the door hard behind him.

“You smoke too damn much.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow as he lit one.

“Yeah? I don’t smoke around her like my mum did with me though, I always go outside.”

The older man shook his head, and looked down at his feet.

“I’m worried for your health, you know that.”

“I take care of myself just fine.” He said stubbornly, taking a drag.

“You look worse every time I see you, me and Ann are worried sick.”

He waved him off, and took another drag.

“Amelia’s doing well, that’s what matters.”

Per usual, the Kellys _tried_ to get him to eat properly before he left for his shift at whichever low paying job looked past him not being able to legally work in the US.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, princess, yeah?” Arthur cooed to Amelia as he put his shoes on, a bitter smile on his face as he thought about leaving her again.

“I love you Meli, daddy’s gotta go now.”

She gave a blank eyed stare upward as he stood up, and he sighed deeply before running a worn thumb over her cheek and walking out the door.

_She’ll never have to work like this._

  
  


After 11 hours of cleaning hotel rooms, Arthur came back to the apartment, exhausted, only to find Carmen watching tv.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

She shook her head, and kicked her feet up.

“I called off, weren’t feeling well.”

He set his jaw, and stood a little taller.

 _“Weren’t feeling well?_ I just worked my arse off for 11 fucking hours, and you decided to just _call off?_ ”

She glanced over at him, but didn’t say anything.

“At least say something.”

She shrugged.

“I don’t have anything to say, I just called off. End of.”

“You’ve done fuck all since you’ve gotten pregnant, I didn’t even want a fucking kid in the first place.”

Carmen sighed, and rubbed her temple.

“Can you stop saying that about her? I don’t want her growing up believing that she weren’t wanted.”

“How about you take care of her then? I’m the only one being a parent here, and I’m not even here half the time.”

“If you want me to be a ‘parent’ that bad, I’ll get her from Ann.” She sneered, and Arthur dramatically threw his hands up.

“It’s about bloody time.”

  
  
  


Despite his better judgement, he walked to the liquor store once she slammed the door shut behind her.

“How much longer can I do this?” He mumbled to himself as he walked down the crumbling sidewalk, stepping over a man who was passed out in the middle of the walkway.

The doorbell dinged behind him, and he grabbed the first bottle of cheap rum that he saw.

“Where yo ID at?”

The 19 year old made a face, and remembered that the drinking age was 21 here.

“I just moved here...I don’t have an ID yet.” He lied seamlessly, and the cashier shrugged and took the cash from him.

“I don’t even care like that mane, you want a bag?”

He shook his head, and inwardly screamed at the fact that this _actually worked_.

Dirt cheap rum never tasted so good.

  
  


When Carmen got home with Amelia, he almost immediately took the baby from her and locked the two of them in the bedroom.

“I fuckin love you, you know that?” He drunkenly mumbled as she sucked silently on her pacifier, her eyes heavy lidded, as it was hours past her bedtime.

He brought her up to his chest, and held her tightly.

“I’m sorry I said I didn’t want you.”

Amelia babbled against his tee shirt, and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.

“We’ll live somewhere better, I promise.” He said softly, slowly laying down on his back and getting her in a more comfortable position.

“Been a while since we slept together, eh?” Arthur said through a yawn, unplugging the lamp and making sure she was laying on her back.

“Night night princess.” 

  
  


He woke up to the baby screaming in his ear, and groaned.

  
  


Carmen banging on the door followed, and he sighed before sitting up and putting Amelia on his lap as she screamed.

“What? Thanks for waking the baby _again_.”

“Just unlock the door, I need to get ready for work.”

“Oh you’re actually going in today? I’m not about to get in the way of that.”

“Piss off.”

He got up from the bed and unlocked the door, putting his hands in a surrender pose when she stormed in.

“God, I don’t know how I deal with you.” She said snarkily as she got her waitress uniform out of their shared closet, slamming the bedroom door behind her as she went into the bathroom.

  
  


Amelia started screaming again, and Arthur grumbled to himself before picking her up and going into their living room.

“Right, let’s get you changed and some breakfast, yeah? Be good for me this morning, please.”

She babbled as she was set on the fold out table they used as a changing table, and he hummed the song he had stuck in his head as he undressed her.

“Da Da.”

He paused from where he was getting out another diaper.

“What was that Meli?”

“Da Da.”

Arthur smiled widely, and turned back toward her.

“Look at you, that’s brilliant!”

She giggled, and kicked her legs in the air.

After haphazardly putting a new diaper on her, he picked her up and excitedly kissed her on the cheek.

“That was brilliant, you know that? I’m so proud of you.”

His smile widened as he called out to Carmen, only to be met with a response of ‘piss off’.

“Even if mummy isn’t excited, I am!”

He put Amelia in the high chair, and sang happily to himself as he got her breakfast ready.

“Arthur, stop singing, you’re actually awful.” Carmen shouted as she shut the door of the apartment behind her, souring his mood.

“You ready to eat Meli?”

She eagerly hit her small fists against the tray as her dad dug through the fridge, pulling out a single serve container of greek yogurt.

“I’m not keen on this stuff, but your nan said it’s good for you.” He said in a mildly disgusted tone as he got a spoonful from the container, holding it up to her mouth.

“Come on, I know it’s awful, just have a bite.”

She turned her head away again, and Arthur sighed. 

“Eat this and I’ll let you have animal crackers.”

Thankfully, the sound of that made her _slightly_ more cooperative, and she finished the container with little protest. The box of animal crackers coming out of the cabinet made her smile widely, all seven of her teeth on full display.

“You like them, don’t you princess?” He said with a laugh as he broke them into bite sized pieces, taking a few of them for himself as well.

“You know what Meli? I think you’re more mature than mummy is.”

She babbled in response as she picked up another piece of animal cracker, shoving it in her mouth and smiling.

“Loads more mature.”

  
  
  


She proved this a week later when she spent her entire check, including her half of the rent, on a cell phone. 

“I already put my part of the rent in the envelope, where’s yours?”

Carmen shrugged as she put a bag full of Chinese takeout on the table, which was when Arthur noticed the phone in her hand.

“What’s that?”

“A Chinese.”

From the hallway, he smacked his lips, and walked over to where she was taking the boxes out of the paper bag.

“I meant _this_.” He said angrily as he snatched the Razr out of her hand, waving it in front of her face.

“It’s mine, I paid for it.”

“With _our_ rent, which is hers too.” Arthur screamed, face going red as he gestured to where Amelia was playing with a large teddy bear on the couch.

“How much was it? How much?”

Carmen averted her eyes.

“Three fifty.”

“You- you spent three hundred and fifty fucking dollars on a phone? When we can barely pay our rent? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Don’t act like you’re some kind of angel.” She said with a sneer, grabbing the phone from him and shoving it in her pocket.

  
  


“Why don’t _you_ explain to the landlord why we only have half our rent? I’m sure he’d love to hear it.”

“You can pay it all this month, and I’ll do it all next month, yeah? We’ll be fine.”

“No we won’t be _‘fine’_ , I paid full rent last month too, in case you forgot! I’m not going to the food bank again, that’s on you.”

Carmen rolled her eyes, and pulled a container of takeout from the bag.

“Then I’ll go when we run out, happy?”

  
  


From the couch, Amelia started crying, only souring Arthur’s mood further.

“Which baby should I handle first?” He said sarcastically, shooting a glare over his shoulder as he walked across the living room.

“You can actually just fuck off.” His girlfriend said through a mouthful of fried rice, earning her the finger as he picked their daughter up. 

“At least I pretend to care about Meli, don’t I sweetheart? Yeah I do!” 

“You’re so bloody annoying when you do that baby talk, shut up.”

Arthur sighed, and went over to grab his portion of the takeout.

“Did they not have chips? Or curry?”

“They looked at me like I was mad when I asked, maybe it was the accent.”

“Yeah, you fuckin manc.” He said with a snort, picking up his container of noodles.

  
  


“Let’s get you some dinner, hm? Are you hungry princess?”

Amelia hit her fists against the tray of the high chair as she was strapped in, though Carmen seemed as if she couldn’t care less that her baby was next to her. 

“Did you get anything she can eat?”

She shook her head, and tucked a lock of purple hair behind her ear.

“Right, so I’m making her dinner again even though you bought a takeaway? Great.”

“Arsehole.” She mumbled under her breath as she played with her new phone, her chipped black nails tapping against the side of it as she glared at him.

“Can she eat noodles yet? Make yourself useful and check that list from Ann.”

“How don’t you know this? Yeah, she can have ‘em.”

“At least I ask before I do something, I don’t want her to choke and it be my fault.”

She waved her hand dismissively as he poured some of his noodles onto the tray of the high chair, grabbing a plastic knife so he could cut up the larger pieces of vegetables and meat.

  
  
  
  


Their relationship continued to decline, and Amelia became a near constant source of conflict, instead of bringing them together like Carmen said it would.

This came to a breaking point six months later, when she fled instead of trying to stay and fix the relationship.

  
  


Arthur came home from work to find nothing of hers was left in the cramped one bedroom apartment.

She’d taken everything with her besides Amelia, who was still at the Kelly’s. On the bus ride there, he tried his hardest to stay composed, for whose sake he really had no idea. 

He held back tears as he walked up to the front door of the development home, and knocked. 

Ann answered the door, looking worried.

“We were about to ring you Arthur, Carmen didn’t come to take Amelia.”

He hung his head.

“Because she left.”

She gasped, and enveloped the thin twenty year old in her arms. She ran her fingers through his neon blue hair in a motherly fashion, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

“Come in hen, come in.” She said sternly, leading him into the kitchen, where her husband was reading the newspaper.

“Were Meli good today?” Arthur asked sheepishly behind her, and she scoffed.

“You’re more important right now you prat, sit.”

Having no choice, he sat down across from Hugh, who had put his newspaper down on the table. 

“What happened?”

Arthur began to tear up.

“Carmen’s left him.” Ann said sadly, putting her arms around the young man’s shoulders as he cried.

“The fucking nerve of her.” Hugh hissed under his breath, which Ann shot him a glare for.

“Take off work tomorrow son, you need a break.”

Arthur shook his head.

“I can’t, rent’s already overdue.”

The couple looked at each other in desperation.

“How much do you still owe?”

“Hundred fifty.”

“We’re paying it for you love, take tomorrow off.”

His head shot up.

“No need,I can do this myself.” He assured, wiping tears away with the back of his hand.

“We’re doing it, and that’s final. Consider it a gift, yeah?”

As if on cue, the three of them heard a scream from upstairs.

“I think she knows you’re here.” Ann said sweetly, motioning for him to go up the stairs.

Arthur climbed the stairs, and beamed when he saw Amelia standing up in the crib, her screams stopping when she saw him.

“Me out!” She said excitedly, shaking the railing on the second hand crib ferociously. He picked her up, and kissed her on the forehead.

“Did you miss me?”

The toddler nodded, grinning from ear to ear. She played with the piercings in his ear, making him wince when she pulled on one too hard.

“We’re going home now, yeah?” He said faux cheerfully, grabbing her favorite stuffed animal from the crib and handing it to her.

He carried her down the stairs, and gave a half smile at the Kellys, setting the toddler down in an armchair and packing up her bag.

“And where do you think you’re going Arthur?”

“Back to my flat.”

“You’re staying here tonight and tomorrow, end of.” Hugh demanded in a soft tone, though Arthur knew he was completely serious.

“You need a few good meals in you,and some stress free time with Amelia.” Ann added, making him sigh.

“If you _so_ insist.” He said sarcastically, extremely grateful for them.

  
  


Arthur slept in their guest bedroom with Amelia that night, and ended up sleeping for fifteen hours straight. 

When he did finally wake up at around noon the next day, it was to the smell of roast, and the bright noon sunlight hitting his face. He groaned, feeling his whole back crack when he stretched, and felt _incredible_. 

Arthur put his shirt back on and went downstairs, softly smiling at Amelia being given lunch. He came up behind her in the booster seat and put his hand over her eyes, making her freeze.

“Guess who?” He cooed, as the Kellys looked on in adoration.

“Da da?” 

He took the hand off her eyes, and came around from behind her. She squealed and laughed, happily accepting a kiss on the cheek. 

“You’re proper good with her Arthur, and to think that you’ve said you hated children.” 

His cheeks flushed at hearing this, scratching the back of his neck. 

“I just never thought that I’d have children, just not at nineteen.”

Hugh smiled at him.

“You’re a well good dad now though, she’ll never forget that.”

His face became redder as he sat down next to Amelia at the table.

“Are you making a roast?”

Ann turned around from where she was standing over the stove.

“That I am, and I made a chocolate cake too.”

Arthur smiled as he handed his daughter a strawberry from her plate.

“I haven’t had a meal like that in a long time.” He said almost dreamily, not appreciating the looks that the older couple were giving him.

“It shows, you’re much too thin boy.”

He scoffed, getting up to grab a cigarette from his bag, which was still in the living room.

“Don’t.”

The man looked behind him to see Hugh standing with his arms crossed firmly across his chest.

“I’ve cut down, don’t look at me like that.”

“That’s well and good, but any smoking isn’t good for you, and I know you know that.”

“This is the only thing keeping me sane, I don’t think I could quit.”

“At least do half a pack a day instead, you want to be alive to watch Amelia grow up, yeah?”

Feeling small under the old man’s gaze, Arthur returned to his seat bitterly,pocketing his lighter. 

  
  


When he sat back down, Amelia reached out for him, and he pulled her onto his lap.

“She’s proper spoiled isn’t she.” Ann said in a joking tone, taking the potatoes out of the oven.

“No she isn’t.” Arthur insisted, handing her another strawberry, smiling when she took a bite and tried offering it to him.

“No,no, Meli, that’s yours, yeah?” He said in his baby voice, looking up when he saw the roast and sides being put on the table.

“Is she old enough to eat potato yet?” Arthur asked as he served himself, eyeing her trying to grab food off his plate.

“She probably could, but put her down for a minute love, she’s not going anywhere.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s quite alright, I know you don’t get to spend much time with her.”

Once he took the first bite of the roast, Arthur was in heaven.

He hadn’t eaten something homemade in god knows how long, and nearly made himself sick on the meal that reminded him of home. This pleased yet worried the Kellys, who were concerned if he was eating enough otherwise.

“I needed this.” The man said with a yawn as he laid down on the couch, belly full and mindlessly watching a baseball game as his daughter sat on his chest.

“Remember that you’re still somebody outside of being a dad sometimes.” Hugh advised, sitting down in the armchair. Arthur nodded sleepily, running a few fingers through Amelia’s curls.

“Is there anything you want to do but don’t have time for?” The Irish man asked, turning down the volume on the TV.

Arthur looked deep in thought as he rubbed circles into Amelia’s back. 

“I haven’t had a proper night out since she was born, and I need to get some of these,” he gestured to his ear, where he’d been made to take out some of the piercings, “redone.” 

“Still punk through and through eh?”

He laughed at this. 

“Definitely.”

“Watch her become a right rule follower out of spite.” 

He scoffed, sitting up a little bit so he could playfully flick the tip of her nose.

“No child of mine will _ever_ follow the rules, I can promise you that.”


	4. Chilly Experiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been a while! But here's your chapterly announcement to check out r/thisisstillamericaart on reddit for content related to my fics!!

Arthur knocked on Javon’s door, giving a nervous half smile when he opened it.

“Where Meli at?”

“With a babysitter, I want us to have a proper night out, and  _ maybe _ get a new piercing or two after my tattoo.”

The man in front of him gave an amused look, then licked his bottom lip.

“I’ma pretty myself up first, you wanna get drinks?”

He nodded, and followed his neighbor inside the apartment.

  
  
  


“Any reason why you tryna hang out with me? I real life don’t mind, I fuckin love you, but why?”

Arthur sat on the couch, and looked down at his spiked docs.

“Carmen left me last week, and you’re pretty much my only friend here.”

Javon gave him a sympathetic look, and joined him on the couch, practically ending up on his lap.

“Then I’ma make sure you have a great night baby, leave it to me.”

  
  
  


He wasn’t lying when he said he was going to make sure Arthur had a great night. 

The two of them ended up back in the apartment at 4am, drunk and stoned, with two new piercings in the punk’s eyebrows, and his daughter’s name freshly tattooed on his chest.

“You gotta be honest with me here babe, you closeted?” Javon asked as he rolled a blunt and lit it.

“I- I don’t really know.”

The effeminate man leaned close to his ear, his breath smelling strongly of weed.

“I think you is, but not tryna admit it, cuz you got this lil tough guy thing going on.”

He took a hit off of it, and grinned at his neighbor, the smoke irritating his eyes.

“That tough guy thing hot as hell though, can’t even front.”

  
  


Arthur took a good look at Javon, with his plucked eyebrows, and pearly eyeshadow complimenting his smooth dark skin, and felt inexplicably emboldened.

“Is it now?” He said as subtly as he could manage in that state, a sloppy smile crossing his face. 

Clumsily, he made his way onto Javon’s lap, and raised an eyebrow.

“How hot is it?”

  
  
  
  
  


A few weeks later, Arthur groaned as the baby in the crib next to him screamed, grumbling to himself as he sat up.

“Come here princess, what’s wrong?” He sleepily mumbled as he got out of bed, rubbing his eyes as he walked over to the crib. She cried louder when she was picked up, and he was immediately concerned by how hot she felt. 

“It’s gonna be okay Meli, it’s gonna be okay.” He tried saying soothingly as he held her in his arms, only becoming more worried as she continued to scream.

Panic began to set in as she became inconsolable. 

He tried singing softly to Amelia as he dialled the Kelly’s phone number, noting that it would be unlikely for them to answer at three in the morning. Midway through recording a voicemail, Hugh called back, and he’d never been more thankful to hear an Irish accent in his life.

“Do you know what time it is boy?”

“Y-yes I do, but, well, um, I think Amelia has a fever and I don’t know what to do, Carmen always took care of this.”

“Right.” 

He heard Hugh yawn on the other end, and felt awful for calling them at that time of night.

“Take off everything except her nappy, and make sure she drinks cold water.”

“Can you stay on the phone? I’m sorry, but I’m just-“

“You’re fine, a sick baby is stressful for anyone.”

  
  


“Should I just keep an eye on her if she falls back asleep?”

Ann’s voice came over the phone this time, sounding equally exhausted. 

“Do you want me to come over there dear? You sound scared.”

“Cos I am.” He said almost inaudibly, running his thumb over Amelia’s flushed cheek as she sleepily drank from the sippy cup of ice water.

“She’ll be just fine, yeah? Stay put, and I’ll be there soon enough, do you need anything?”

“I don’t, don’t, well, think so.”

Arthur laid down on the couch after Ann hung up, and sighed as his daughter laid directly on his still healing tattoo.

“You’re gonna be fine Meli, your nan is coming soon.” He said softly, trying to keep himself from tearing up as she wrapped one of her small hands around his wrist.

_ But what if she isn’t? _

“You’d tell me if you weren’t fine, right?”

She stared at him for a few seconds, before taking her hand off his wrist, and reaching up to grab at his septum ring.

  
  


“Dadda, cold.”

  
  


“I’m sorry Meli, I know.”

  
  
  


Ann knocked on the door twenty minutes later, and he made his way to the door at record speed.

  
  


“I’m so sorry for ringing you at three-”

  
  


She waved him off dismissively, and took her coat and scarf off.

“Now where’s she at? And did you give her ice water?”

Arthur nodded, and led her over to the couch, where Amelia gave a gummy smile at seeing her.

“Hey you! Come to nan!”

She picked up the toddler, and made a kissy noise at her.

“Did you take her temperature?”

  
  


He shook his head sheepishly, and looked down at his feet.

“Carmen took the thermometer.”

While in reality, they’d never bought a thermometer at all, he just wanted to look like a  _ slightly  _ better parent in the eyes of the woman who was helping him as much as she did.

  
  


“What a lowlife, why would she take that?”

Arthur shrugged, and watched as she grabbed a thermometer from her purse.

“Amelia, put your arm up for me lovey, there you go!” She said faux cheerfully as she put the thermometer under her small arm, holding it there until it beeped. 

“38.8, that’s a bit high, but I think she’ll be fine.”

“You think so?” He said quietly, his voice shaky as he sat down next to his daughter.

Ann nodded reassuringly, her attention turned back to him.

“Are you feeling fine? You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping enough.”

He waved it off, pulling Amelia onto his lap.

“I’m raising a baby by myself and working loads, I’m bound to get tired.”

“Whatever, but you need to take care of yourself too.”

  
  


At Ann’s insistence, he promised to switch shifts with someone in the morning so he could stay with his daughter while she was sick.

  
  


“Ring me if you need anything, yeah? Hugh and I are usually home.”

Arthur nodded gratefully, and stood up to hug her.

“You’re an angel, you really are.”

  
  
  


To his relief, Amelia acted mostly normal aside from sleeping more than she normally would, and he thoroughly enjoyed the extra time spent with her.

As did she.

  
  


He thumbed through a beat up book on toddler care he’d bought at a thrift store as she took her afternoon nap, sloppily writing notes of things he wanted to do with her in the margins.

_ Don’t give your children sticky foods like peanut butter or marshmallows until they’re older. _

Arthur grimaced as he drew brackets around that line, thinking about how he regularly bribed her with marshmallows and fruit snacks to keep her quiet on bad days.

Deciding he’d had enough of seeing what he was doing wrong, he shut the book and put it back on the coffee table he used as a catch all for his mail and various papers.

  
  


“Dadda!”

He sighed, and got up from the couch to get her out of the crib.

  
  
  


Amelia stood up in the crib when he opened the door, a wide gummy smile on her face.

“How’d you sleep?”

She babbled happily as he set her on the ground, and ran off toward the living room in her unstable gait.

  
  
  


After their dinner that night, since he had nothing else to do, Arthur decided to dye his hair again.

“Now, Meli, which color do you think would look nice?” He asked over his shoulder as he took various tubs of dye out of the cracked medicine cabinet, setting them next to where she was sitting in the empty bathtub, completely absorbed in playing with a rubber duck.

“Amelia, pick one of them.” He asked again, snapping his fingers in her direction.

She looked up at him for a second, and reached out for a scarlet orange color, making him grimace.

“No, I don’t want to look like your uncle Allistor, pick something else love.”

“No!”

He smacked his lips, and squatted down next to the bathtub. 

“Pick a different one, I’m not going fucking ginger.”

“Fuck off!”

Arthur nearly fell backwards, not expecting his daughter to be cursing at him before she was even able to brush her own teeth.

“Right, you’re going to bed.” He said through gritted teeth as he picked her up and set her on top of the toilet seat, sighing loudly.

“Why are you like this?”

The toddler gave him a dirty look.

“You have an attitude like your mum, figures.” He grumbled to himself as he grabbed the dollar store baby toothbrush from the sink, and motioned for her to open her mouth.

“I’ll give you sweets if you open up.”

“Biscy?”

“Yeah, you’ll get a biscuit tomorrow if you open your mouth up dead wide.”

She eventually did open her mouth at the promise of  _ two  _ biscuits, while Arthur sang a little jingle he’d made up for while she was having her teeth brushed.

  
  
  


“You ready to sleep?” He asked sweetly once he’d gotten her pajamas on and reached for a book to read to her, chuckling to himself when she leaned up against his chest with a big yawn.

“A long way out in the deep blue sea there lived a fish-“

  
  


By the end of the book, Amelia was unquestionably asleep, and he gently shut it before picking her up.

He watched her peacefully sleep for a few minutes once she was comfortable in the crib, and smiled to himself before closing the door and making his way back into the bathroom. 

His hair still needed to be dyed, after all.

  
  
  
  
  


Now with royal blue hair, Arthur was woken up by the landline ringing loudly in the kitchen the next morning.

He scrambled out of bed, and just barely managed to get the phone in time.

“You two hours late for yo shift, and you ain’t come in yesterday, you’re fired.”

Arthur’s breath hitched in his throat. “I-I weren’t even scheduled for today mate, and I called off yesterday?”

“You was definitely scheduled for today, good luck finding a new job and whatever.”

  
  
  
  


“This can’t be real.” He finally managed to croak out, voice unstable as he hung up the phone.

The twenty year old slumped down onto the tiled floor, and stared ahead blankly for what felt like an eternity. Thoughts raced rapidly through his head as the wood grain of the cabinets began to run together in his vision, but one persisted.

_ My life is fucking over _ .

  
  


As much as he wanted to cry, the tears wouldn’t come out, and this feeling was only compounded by the sounds of Amelia beginning to wake up in the other room.

  
  


_ And I’m a shit parent. _

  
  
  


The longer he sat there, the more he felt like he couldn’t breathe, and all his senses began to blur together as the realization of what losing his job meant came stronger and stronger.

But he couldn’t leave his daughter in there, could he?

“I’m coming!” He shouted with a shaky voice, grabbing the top of the countertop to prop himself up, and taking a deep breath before going into the room.

“Me out!”

“I know, I know, come here.” 

He scooped Amelia up and gave her a kiss to the top of the head, trying his hardest to not let tears break through as she sleepily pressed her head to his chest, not aware of the situation at all.

The bitterly cold late January winds chilled the entire poorly insulated apartment beyond help, and Arthur felt like a worse parent than ever before as he bundled her up in her parka and knitted hat just to eat breakfast. 

He pulled his heaviest jacket closer to himself as he set the toddler up in her high chair, a fake as can be smile plastered to his face as he cut up a banana and poured dry cereal out onto her tray.

“We’re gonna ask Javon if he’s got a space heater, hm? Hopefully his flat is a little warmer than ours.”

She nodded as she shoved a piece of banana into her mouth, grinning when she heard Javon’s name. 

He’d jokingly pledged himself as her second dad a few months prior, and adored Amelia as if she was his daughter. And as long as they kept up this...not quite relationship of theirs, he had the man wrapped around his finger.

  
  
  


With nothing else they could do, the pair slowly made their way up the stairs, as the 19-month old insisted on climbing the stairs herself, not being carried. 

Arthur knocked on the door, and tried keeping his daughter as close to him as possible as they waited. 

“Who all there?”

“Me.”

Recognizing his accent, Javon’s roommate, Andre, opened the door to let them in. 

“What y’all need? Von working that lil night shift and gonna be home in a couple hours.”

  
  


He hesitated for a moment, feeling more and more pathetic as this went on.

“The heat in my flat isn’t working right, is yours warmer?”

Andre shrugged, and tightened the strings on his hoodie around the dreads that framed his face as he leaned against the doorframe. 

“This building ain’t shit in the winter, we got a extra electric blanket though, if you want that.”

Arthur nodded with a sheepish half smile, and bent down to stop his daughter from running inside like she normally did.

“She can come get something if she want it, I know Von stay giving her candy and whatever.”

“Yeah, she knows Von has her proper spoiled, don’t you Meli?” He joked at her eye level, adjusting the hood on her coat. The toddler smacked her lips at being restrained, and tried climbing over where his arms held her tight.

“If you could just bring it out that’d be nice, she’s being a bit of a handful today.”

“You remind me to pull out!” He shouted over his shoulder as he went to get the blanket and a piece of candy, making Arthur roll his eyes.

  
  
  


Once back in his own apartment, he shut the door, and sighed loudly.

“Candy!”

“Right, right, stop  whinging, will you?”

She grabbed onto his legs and looked up expectantly, starting to cry and hold on tighter when it wasn't given to her.

“Seriously? It’s one piece of candy, Meli, I should eat it myself if you’re gonna act like this.”

The toddler screamed louder, and he audibly groaned.

“If you go to the couch, you’ll get Von’s candy,  _ and _ some juice.”

  
  


As it always did, bribing her with the potential for juice and candy worked, and she ran over to her spot on the couch, looking over at him expectantly as he took his shoes off and grabbed the carton of juice from the refrigerator.

“I’ll be there soon, give me a minute.”

He felt a pull on his heartstrings as he watched Amelia try pulling the large coat closer to her small body, and walked over with the electric blanket and her sippy cup.

“We’ll move to somewhere better love, I promise.” Arthur said softly as he plugged the blanket in, and wrapped her up in it. She crawled onto his lap, and pointed to the TV.

“You wanna watch something?”

The toddler nodded, and pointed to it again, leaning forward with her whole body this time. Normally he would’ve at least chuckled at this, but everything else on his mind had made him all but numb. He turned the TV on to what looked like Jerry Springer, and made sure she was settled with the heated blanket wrapped firmly around her, before grabbing the landline and a lighter from the kitchen.

  
  


Outside, the biting cold felt a thousand times more poignant, especially as the wind whipped across his fourth floor balcony. He dialled the Kelly’s number with one hand as he shakily lit a cigarette, hoping with everything in him that someone would answer.

“Hi! Do you need something dear?”

He took a drag, and shook his head angrily.

“Not being funny, right, but I actually don’t know where to begin.”

On the other end, Ann made a sympathetic noise.

“What happened? Are you or Meli in trouble?”

Arthur stared out at what would normally be the skyline, but was instead a faint outline blurred by snow.

“Well, first off, lost me job this morning, and now, this flat feels like Antarctica cos our heating int working right, I’m skint, and I’m on my last couple of fags.”

The older woman sighed.

“Is there anything we can do? That’s loads on you, I’m so sorry.”

He quickly looked back though the sliding door to make sure Amelia was still fine, before taking another drag.

“Could you maybe take her for a few days til I get this all figured out? She’s just got over being sick, and this can’t be good for her, with her being so small. I’ll try to find a way to pay you, once I get back on my feet.”

“It’s not good for you either, you know that, and you don’t need to pay us.”

  
  


In the end, the couple agreed to take in Amelia, (and Arthur, if he stopped being stubborn) short term until he, at the very least, found a way to get heating back in the apartment.

In half an hour, he had packed up everything she would need to stay for a week or more, on the verge of tears the entire time. A backpack full of clothes, her diaper bag, and a grocery bag with her favorite toys and books lined the couch as he waited for Ann to arrive. 

“Are you gonna be good for nan?” He tried saying enthusiastically as Amelia snuggled up to him under the electric blanket, to which she shook her head, and laid her head on his chest.

“Want you.”

_ I’ve failed her. _ He thought to himself as he held his daughter closer, trying to think of a way to explain the situation to her in a way that she would understand.

“Meli, look at me for a minute princess.”

She looked up at him expectantly, and he felt his chest tighten.

“I- you’ll be staying with nan for a few days, yeah? You’ll have loads of fun with her and granda, I just won’t be there.”

“No!” 

Arthur gently shushed her, and aimlessly rubbed her upper back.

“It’ll be okay, we’ll be okay.” He repeated like a mantra until she quieted down, trying to convince himself of the same. 

  
  


They sat like this, in silence except for the tv, until someone buzzed the apartment from the lobby.

Still feeling incredibly guilty, he grabbed the bags from the couch, and picked up Amelia with his free arm.

“I’m not abandoning you, yeah?” He said softly as he started down the four flights of stairs ahead of him, grumbling about the broken elevator the entire way down. Out of breath by the time he reached Hugh, he couldn’t offer much more than a wave.

“You alright lad?”

The 20 year old made a so-so motion with his available hand as he tried acting as if he wasn’t wheezing.

“Lift’s broken, I’m a little winded.”

“It’s all those fags, I’m telling you.” The older man said in a lecturing tone, which Arthur rolled his eyes at once he had his back turned.

  
  
  


Outside, Ann enveloped him in her arms once he got closer to their car.

“Have you decided if you’re staying with us as well?” She asked as she took Amelia from him, to which he shook his head.

“I’ll try me best to come or call everyday, but I don’t want to burden you and Hugh.”

She sighed, adjusting how she was holding the toddler.

“You know you can stay with us whenever you need to, just remember that.”

“If it gets to be too much, I’ll come over.” Arthur said more to placate her than anything, offering her as wide a smile as he could manage at the moment.

They both knew he didn’t mean it, but Amelia was starting to get fussy, her cue to get her buckled into the car seat.

  
  
  
  


Once completely alone in the apartment, he broke down. 

A random shoe of Amelia’s by the door took the brunt of this, as it was thrown across the freezing apartment as hard as he could launch it. Tears streamed down his face as the room around him blurred in his vision, and he’d never felt this burning of a desire to get drunk in his life.

He briefly stood up to grab the half empty bottle of vodka from the freezer, and sat back down on the tiled floor, turning it in his hands for a few long seconds before cracking it open. Straight vodka at 10am was an awful idea, he learned almost instantly. The bottle coming right out of the freezer didn’t help either, considering why he was day drinking in the first place. 

Better than being alone with his thoughts of how he’d failed as a parent though, he reasoned.

  
  
  


By the time a knock came at the door, he had no idea how much time had passed, but stumbled to open it anyway. Javon gave a look of disgust at the smell, though he himself smelled vaguely of alcohol from his night shift at a liquor store.

“You good?”

Arthur shook his head, slinking back onto the floor, and pushing the now empty bottle across the kitchen. His neighbor joined him on the floor, and put an arm around him.

“What happened? And where MiMi at?”

He sighed heavily, and concentrated on the pattern of the tiles.

“Too fucking cold for her here, she’s staying with someone til I get heat.”

The punk sniffled, and sadly looked his neighbor in the eyes.

“And I lost me job this morning.”

Worry written all over his face, Javon got up and put a blanket over him.

“Yo hands freezing, you need to get somewhere warmer baby. How my place sound? You can sober up, and we can figure allat shit out.”

Not really having a choice, Arthur nodded, and stood up on shaky legs.

  
  
  
  


“You sure you can’t go stay with MiMi n’ them?” Javon asked over his shoulder once he got his neighbor settled in on the couch with a couple of blankets, and a hot cup of black coffee in an attempt to sober him up. 

“I weren’t tryna….burden them, and that’s  _ my _ fuckin flat after all.” He said as proudly as he could while wasted, attempting to point to himself and nearly punching himself in the face.

“And you ain’t got a job now?”

He shook his head as he took a sip from the coffee, steaming up his septum ring.

“I can’t work here legally, it’s dead hard.”

Arthur lifted the mug up as if to give a toast, and gave a sloppy smile.

“God bless America.”

“Don’t spill nothin’ on my couch with yo drunk ass.”

“I know I ain’t just hear some British ass dude say ‘God bless America’.” Andre shouted from elsewhere in the apartment, making the drunken man laugh hysterically.

  
  


“Hey Dre! You know anybody that do heat? I can’t be out here babysitting.”

From the couch, Arthur scoffed as he took another sip of coffee.

“You got no problem babysitting me daughter though.”

“She like two, you a grown ass, drunk ass man.”

  
  


Dre came out of the bathroom a few minutes later as he tied his dreads up on the top of his head, adjusting his work uniform at the mirror by the door.

“Yeah I know a guy who do heat, you know Montrell, right?”

“Montrell? Fuck that guy, he owe me hella money.”

  
  


Andre motioned for his roommate to follow him into the other room, and shut the door behind him.

“We gotta get him out this apartment, I don’t trust him, period. I don’t care that y’all fucking or whatever, I just want him outta here.” He said in an irritated tone, crossing his arms.

Von sighed, and looked down at his feet.

“I’ll deal with the heat and all that, and he’ll be out our living room by the time you get back from work.”

This earned him a pat on the back, and his roommate walked out, leaving him behind with the task of finding Arthur heat  _ and _ his daughter back by 6:00.


	5. Improvement

He sighed, and went back into the living room, where he just stared at Arthur for a good while as he tried thinking of a plan.

“We gonna get your heat and daughter back, okay? Don’t even worry.”

“I actually can’t thank you enough, I don’t know  _ anybody _ here.”

Javon rolled his eyes as he flipped through their shared address book.

“Yeah, sure. Dre just want you out by the time his shift over.”

  
  
  


It didn’t happen by the time Andre came back from work, much to his chagrin. 

But after a few days sleeping on their couch, Arthur came to a realization that he couldn’t carry on like this without his daughter. Daily phone updates with Hugh and Ann only made him feel worse about her not being there, and inspired him to do better. He even pledged to give up smoking to save money and improve his health, and by the time his heat was fixed, had been cigarette free for two days.

  
  
  


“Hugh, I know you’ll be proper happy to hear this, but I’ve given up smoking.”

He gave the younger man a surprised look as he handed him Amelia’s diaper bag.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah, I wanna be healthy for her sake.”

Hugh smiled widely, and patted him on the back.

“Quitting is hard, but worth it.”

“I hope so mate, It’s been almost three days and I’m losing my mind.” He said through an attempt at a laugh as he opened his second bag of M&Ms since that morning.

Amelia ran up to him and hugged his leg, making him smile.

“Hey you, were you good at nan’s?”

The toddler nodded excitedly, and held out the baby doll she’d taken to carrying around since it was given to her for Christmas. 

“Were baby good too?”

“Yeah!”

Arthur bent down to her level, despite how nauseous he was, and moved her winter hat out of her eyes.

“You ready to go for a ride Meli?”

‘Going for a ride’ only meant a barely secured seat on his bike to the bus stop, but she seemed to love every minute of it regardless.

  
  


Once on the bus, a particularly bad wave of nausea hit, and he mentally prayed that he wouldn’t vomit as Amelia babbled about her day. 

“Dadda?”

He shut his eyes for a second, and willed himself to turn toward where she was pulling on his sleeve.

“What is it princess?”

“Dadda sick?”

He nodded, and put a hand over his mouth as she crawled into his lap and leaned directly on his stomach.

  
  


If Arthur thought the first few days were hard, then the coming weeks were hell.

He seemed to experience every withdrawal symptom listed on the pamphlet on quitting that Ann gave him a couple days in, and cursed his shitty luck. 

Especially the anger.

It broke his heart to see that Amelia was suffering for it too, as he could  _ feel _ himself losing his patience for no reason, even though she wasn’t at fault. But there was no way for a toddler to understand that. 

  
  
  


Three weeks in, he finally broke down, and did the walk of shame to the counter at the corner store, where the attendant already knew to get him two packs of Marlboros. 

“You’re a fucking failure.” He mumbled to himself as the door to the store shut behind him, and gave a hardened stare at the two cartons of cigarettes and a pack of juice boxes sitting in the plastic bag. The bag felt like it weighed ten pounds as he continued walking with it, and the mental weight of what he was doing made him grit his teeth.

Up the four flights of stairs he went, which he no longer felt  _ as _ winded after finishing, and unlocked the door to find Amelia napping on the couch, exactly where he left her. 

He glanced at his watch, and figured he could let her sleep for a couple more minutes, while he handled…his problem. 

With shaking hands, Arthur lit his first cigarette in nearly a month, and sighed as he leaned on the balcony, the familiarity of the action being more comforting than he’d like to admit. 

Banging on the sliding door interrupted the trance he didn’t notice he’d gone into, and he sighed before putting out the butt with his shoe.

Now more relaxed, he opened the door and picked up his daughter, giving her a kiss to the top of the head.

“Good morni-“

She turned her head away with a disgusted look on her face, and he immediately felt guilt wash over him.

“Right, I’ll brush my teeth and then we can play, how does that sound?”

_ She got used to me not smelling like smoke. _ He thought sadly as he walked to the bathroom, still holding the toddler at his hip.

“Meli, be dead honest with me, am I a shit dad?” Arthur asked aimlessly as he set her down on the toilet lid, and grabbed his toothbrush.

“Juice!”

He rolled his eyes, and turned on the water.

“Not til I’m done, yeah? I bought some today, don’t worry.” 

Teeth brushed, he went to pick her up again, and got the same disgusted look.

“I have to change me shirt too? You’re killing me love.”

“Is this better?” He asked in an exasperated tone after changing into his oversized Sex Pistols sweatshirt, which was too warm to wear often at home, but seemed to become a constant part of his wardrobe during winters here. 

“Now, what do you wanna do Meli?” 

Amelia sucked on the pacifier in her mouth as she watched him sprawl out on the floor next to her.

“The world is your oyster, we can do whatever you want today.” He said in a singsong voice, tickling her under her arm until she started giggling.

As she laughed, he felt a sense of regret at how much of her growing up he’d already missed. She had gone from barely being able to hold her head up on her own to the rambunctious toddler sitting in front of him in seemingly the blink of an eye.

He had to do better than this, for her sake, he just had to.

  
  


With no legal ability to work here and only a few GCSEs under his belt, which he wasn’t even sure meant anything in the US, he wasn’t exactly doing his best at providing all that he thought he would.

“Do you wish we lived somewhere else?”

She stopped giggling, and stared at him for a few seconds before smiling again.

“Ride!”

“You wanna ride on my shoulders eh? Come here.”

He shouldn’t have expected a legitimate answer to his questions from a toddler, but it felt better just to say it out loud instead of letting it endlessly rattle around in his brain.

Now up on his shoulders, Amelia squealed in delight as she wrapped her small arms around his neck. 

“How does snack sound?” He asked in his baby voice as he walked the short distance into the kitchen, which she made a happy noise at.

Once set up with a juice box and a bag of chips at the table, Arthur sat down next to her, and sighed.

“I think I should go to school.”

The toddler put a handful of barbecue chips in her mouth, and laughed.

  
  
  


While he wasn’t able to quit smoking, he reasoned that maybe going to trade school would  _ actually _ be better for his daughter’s future. Just like with his decision to quit, Ann and Hugh were thrilled for him, though slightly more skeptical this time around. 

  
  


“What were you thinking of going to school for lad?”

Arthur took a sip from his tea, and gestured to the section of the application packet that he had sloppily highlighted.

“I were thinking of becoming an electrician, they make good money.”

The older man nodded, and added cream to his mug.

“It’s right practical too, not having to call somebody will save you loads.”

“I think it’ll do me good, but I just need a social security number.” Arthur trailed off dejectedly as he turned the page, pointing to the only blank portion of the application with the end of his pencil.

“Maybe try putting in your national insurance number? I don’t think it’s the same, but you might as well try.”

“It’s too many fucking numbers.” He said angrily under his breath, roughly erasing the letters and numbers he’d written. 

He leaned back in the chair with a sour look on his face until the timer went off for him to wake Amelia up from her nap upstairs.

  
  
  


The light was flicked on, and the toddler was soon woken up by a gentle shake.

“Morning ‘Melia, time to wake up!” 

She groped around for her pacifier, and sat up groggily. 

“That’s my girl, come here.” Arthur said softly as she sleepily leaned up against him, and was eventually scooped up into his arms. 

As he walked down the stairs carrying his daughter, an idea came to him.

“Hugh, mate, is it illegal for me to use Meli’s social security number? Cos she’s a citizen.”

“Arthur, don’t even think about it.” He heard Ann shout, and he grimaced at the lecture he knew was coming. 

“That’s fraud, and could put you in prison, or deported.”

She shook her head, and gave him a stern look.

“If you use her social, I’ll report you to immigration, it’s not fair to her.”

Instead of acknowledging this, he pushed some of Amelia’s hair out of her eyes, and made a cooing noise at her.

“Int she cute?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I weren’t changing the subject,” he said defensively,completely trying to change the subject, and bouncing the toddler a bit,“I’ll be right back, she needs a change.”

  
  


“You’re a great distraction, you.” Arthur said cheerfully as he took a diaper out of her bag, and laid her down on the bathroom counter.

“Keep shitting yourself at the right times, and you’ll get all the biscuits you can eat.” 

“Biscy!”

He nodded, and tickled her under her chin. 

  
  
  


Despite how determined he thought he was to get into trade school at any cost, the idea of  _ Ann fucking Kelly  _ getting him deported was a more poignant reason not to finish the application. 

_ What now? _ He thought as he went outside for his after dinner smoke, pulling out an extra one after the day he’d had. 

_ School isn’t realistic without Ann snitching, does she want me to be skint forever? _

Bitter, and only making himself feel worse, he grabbed onto the unstable railing of his balcony, and screamed into the void of the city at night.

“Fuck this city!” 

  
  


“Shut yo British ass up!”

Arthur grumbled to himself at this response from somebody at the bus stop below, and stormed back inside his own apartment. 

“Maybe I  _ do _ wanna get deported.” He said through gritted teeth as he closed the sliding door hard.

“Dadda?”

_ Shit. _

“Right,” he turned to where Amelia was watching tv on the couch, “how does a bath and a story sound?”

  
  


His mind wasn’t in the present as he gave the toddler a bath on autopilot. She seemed to sense this too, being surprisingly obedient, even as he washed her hair,which was usually a battle of wills that ended in tears.

“How about I tell my own story tonight?”

She looked at him with wide eyes as she settled in on her usual spot on his lap.

“I know, I know, no pictures.”

He ran a couple fingers through her wet hair, and sighed dejectedly as he laid on his back.

“Once upon a time, your idiot of a dad thought it would be a good idea to move to another country with some bird he’d been dating less than a year, and-”

“No!” 

He looked up at where she was now laying on his chest, pouting, and practically in tears.

“This is a shit story anyway, how about Spot? You seem to like him best.”

  
  
  
  
  


_ This is one of the worst ideas you’ve had since you moved with Carmen.  _ Arthur thought to himself as he pushed open the door to the public library in Collinwood, a few neighborhoods north of where he was currently living, where he found a free single parent help group.

Did this seem a bit dodgy? Yes. But was he desperate at this point? Also yes. 

He immediately noticed the only other man in the room, and decided to sit next to him. Not that he had anything against any of the women there, but he felt drawn to him for some reason. Also the fact that he looked as if he were getting ready to take notes, which Arthur found...strange to say the least.

The man didn’t  _ look _ like a serial killer, dressed professionally with nicely groomed blond hair and an air of grace about him. 

He nodded at him as he sat down in the creaky plastic chair, and leaned his elbows on the table. 

“How old are your kids?”

Still not a fan of the small talk that people used religiously here, he faked enthusiasm.

“My daughter is almost two.”

The man’s face seemed to light up.

“Really? My,” he paused, and looked into space for a second, “ _ son _ is gonna be three.” His expression fell as he looked over his notes though. 

“I don’t know what I’m gon’ do when he start living with me though.”

_ How’s he never lived with his son? _

“Did you just find out that you had a child? Or?”

He chuckled, and his face went red.

“No, no, I’m adopting my cousin’s kid.”

While Arthur could tell that he was from this area by the way he spoke, he didn’t exactly, well, fit in with anybody else in the room. He was decently attractive as well, he noted as the volunteer running the group began, occasionally sneaking a glance at him.

  
  


Half an hour in, a note was passed to him, and the punk scoffed at how childish it all seemed, but opened it anyway.

_ Are you free after this? Or is your daughter with a babysitter? _

In contrast to the other man’s slanted cursive, his answer was sloppily scribbled.

_ id think about it if i knew your name  _

_ Francis Bonnefoy  _ was his reply, written extravagantly, and taking up two lines of the sheet of notebook paper.

He wrinkled up his nose at how  _ French _ it was, but reasoned that somebody in this area with that kind of last name was pretty far removed from any of the jokes about the French that he heard growing up.

When in Rome.

_ my daughter is with my neighbours and they love her _

_ so i guess we can meet after this _

Francis smiled when he got the note back, and nodded.

  
  
  


While the group itself was a bit of a bust in Arthur’s mind, who he met there wasn’t.

  
  


The two of them got dinner at a nearby diner, and despite their differences, seemed to click. But one thing didn’t seem to add up.

“So how did you end up with your cousin’s kid mate? That’s been bothering me.” 

Francis shook his head as he took the bun off his burger, and took the tomato off.

“My cousin, in Louisiana if you know where that at, had left her kid in a lil crackhouse for a couple days,” he put a fry in his mouth, “and police found him when they raided it.”

“Shit.” 

He nodded, and gestured to the man on the other side of the booth.

“What’s your story?”

Arthur put a hand over his face, and sighed.

“This is  _ so _ just, stupid.”

“So is leaving a toddler in a crackhouse, c’mon, just tell me.”

“I, god,” the punk scratched the back of his neck out of embarrassment, “me ex girlfriend did an exchange program here for a summer when she were sixteen and asked if I wanted to move here with her once we were both adults, and guess what my answer was?”

“Yes?”

He nodded.

“Worst thing I ever did was move, and  _ then _ have a kid with her.”

Francis thought about being sympathetic, but couldn’t help himself.

“We have a phrase here, don’t stick y-”

“Your dick in crazy? I’ve heard.”

  
  


There was an awkward silence after this, only broken by the other man’s incessant American need to fill the air. 

“So what’s your daughter's name?”

Arthur inwardly groaned, and wished that he could just eat in silence.

“Amelia, but I usually call her Meli.”

“Aw, that’s adorable.”

He nodded, and picked at the seemingly endless deli sandwich in front of him.

“Yeah, she’s cute, but very strong willed.”

“From what I know about you, she get it from somewhere,” the older man said jokingly, grinning across the booth, “so what part the city y’all stay at?”

“Kinsman.”

Francis made a face.

“For real? And neither of you dead yet?”

“I’m trying to move, I really am.” He said defensively, not appreciating his tone in the slightest.

  
  
  
  


“So, you want a ride home or whatever? I’m not working tomorrow an-“

“Yeah,sure.” 

Arthur smiled to himself as he lit a cigarette outside the diner, thankful that he wouldn’t have to wait for a bus while it was snowing.

“Want one?”

Francis shook his head, and sat down on the bench next to him.

“Can I maybe meet Meli? I don’t know as much as I should about kids that age.” He said quietly, looking down at the snowflakes falling around his oxfords.

“Her bedtime were an hour ago, she’ll probably be asleep, if my neighbors did what they should’ve.”

He nodded in understanding, coughing a bit when the smoke blew in his direction. 

“If she look anything like you, she gonna be ‘bout cute as hell.”

Arthur took a drag, and rolled his eyes.

“Are you done flirting with me? You’ve known me for what, three hours? I’m dating someone.”

The other man, for once it seemed, was left speechless.

  
  
  


Francis made a face as he pulled up to the apartment building according to his passenger’s instructions, and parked on the street.

“Damn, bitch, you  _ live  _ here?”

“I’m trying to leave, trust me.” He said through gritted teeth as he got out of the car, pulling his scarf closer to his face as the wind picked up.

“This place ghetto as fuck dawg.” The older man mumbled as he followed him in, giving a look of disbelief when he saw Arthur head for the stairs. 

  
  


Five flights of stairs later, they reached Javon’s apartment, and they both panted as Arthur knocked on the door. A tall man with dreads who terrified Francis to the core opened it, and welcomed them both in.

“Aye! MiMi been sleep for like a hour now? Tryna get her to sleep was a damn nightmare, I don’t know how you do it mane.”

“Neither do I, and I’ve been doing it almost two years.” He said with a laugh, reaching into his jacket pocket, and pulling out his wallet.

“Von said not to let you pay.”

Arthur went to protest, but was stopped by Andre’s expression.

“Right, tell him thank you. Where’s she sleeping?”

Francis stepped outside the apartment as the other two went into one of the bedrooms, not trusting the vibes he was getting from being there. 

  
  


Regardless, his new ‘friend’ came out a few minutes later with a pastel pink diaper bag, and a child leaning on his chest, wrapped in a penguin patterned blanket.

He put a finger in front of his lips as he started down the stairs carefully, contrasting everything he knew about Arthur’s rough around the edges, punk persona.

He couldn’t help but smile as he followed him down, and into the apartment, which somehow managed to give him a worse gut feeling as he entered. The living room of the one bedroom apartment was barely furnished aside from a ratty couch, tv, and colorful children’s toys scattered about, and reeked of its owner’s heavy smoking habit. 

It was, in short, a depressing place to be.

Amelia woke up after the door was shut behind them, and Francis had his first encounter with the curly haired toddler, her big blue eyes half lidded as she tried to figure out where she was.

“Hey princess, you ready for bed? Yeah?” He heard him ask in a gentle baby voice, and the other man couldn’t believe that this was the same person he met at the library a few hours prior.

“Right, you can go home, or just wait until she’s in bed if you want.” Arthur said over his shoulder as he went into the bedroom with his daughter at his hip.

  
  
  


Francis considered leaving, but something about this dingy, dank apartment and its occupants compelled him to stay just a little longer.


End file.
